The reports of Black Friday’s death have been greatly exaggerated. I’ve borrowed Mark Twain’s famously derisive line to challenge the media’s contention that Black Friday is losing its luster.
Yes, I know that folks are claiming Black Friday sales were down 11%. But I don’t buy it (no pun intended). Take a closer look and you’ll see these numbers are skewed. While the value of an average online order did indeed drop by 1.8% compared to last year’s figures, actual online sales increased by a whopping 9.5%.
So you tell me: Is Black Friday a failure? Hardly!
Personally, I think it’s rather fascinating that we’ve taken an ordinary day of the week and spiced it up with a funky moniker. Let’s build on it. Why not borrow a page from the marketing playbook and make every single day of the week special?
You could be selling cars, candles, cartons, coffee – it doesn’t make a difference. Just find a day of the week which begins with a letter which has some remote connection to your brand and milk for all its worth. Here are a few suggestions for an entire week’s worth of promotional creativity that can be adopted as joyous (albeit heavily commercialized) holidays. Industries of the world, unite! Here’s how we can collectively rise up and carve our respective niches in the weekly calendar. Let’s begin.
MOUTHWASH MONDAY – You’re heading back to work after a long weekend of partying. Chances are your breath smells like alcohol, cigarettes, junk food – or all three. Leave it to Mouthwash Monday to remind you of this important task. Celebrate you reentry into the workplace by gargling a vile antiseptic potion in your mouth for sixty seconds. Hey, all you Listerine lovers… isn’t this fun?
TEAPOT TUESDAY – Stock up on these old-fashioned water heating devices to create that perfect cup of steamy oolong tea. They come in various colors, boast a 12 ounce liquid capacity, and whistle loudly to put everyone in a better mood.
WALNUT WEDNESDAY – Did you know that walnuts can boost your heart health, reduce the risk of diabetes, and are packed with antioxidants? If you celebrated Walnut Wednesday, you most certainly would.
TERIYAKI THURSDAY – Grab a kimono and pass the wasabi sauce! Japanese restaurants across North America will be promoting this special day by banding together – even more tightly than clumps of white rice sticking to a chopstick.
FLANNEL FRIDAY – Enter the weekend with a warm, fuzzy feeling. There’s nothing like fluffy bathrobes or fleece-lined slippers. The flannel manufacturers can print ads, post billboards and mail out coupons to tout this glorious day. Although I’d prefer if they just handed out free samples.
STONED SATURDAY – Jim Beam, Knob Creek, Jack Daniels. Need I say more?
SUNDAE SUNDAY – Don’t let the corny name make you pucker. It’s sweet! Why hasn’t Baskin Robbins thought of this? Come in on Sunday and get a deal on a sundae. Duh.
And so goes another ordinary week in the retail calendar of commercialization.
Mind you, these are just seven days out of the whole year. According to my complex scientific calculations, there are another 348 days of the year waiting to be labeled with special names of their own. So grab a day, crown it with your industry title, and get the media buzzing.
Just make sure to gargle with mouthwash before they begin your live TV interview.